I will write this in english, so if this person its about reads it...

Then he will understand aswell...

Almost 2 years ago when i played my computer game, a very special person came into my life..

We had an incredible connection from the start, we like chit chatted all the days etc..

It was almost like i had known him all my life..

And yeah i fell harder and harder for him.. And after like 3 months he bought me a ticket to go over and visit him.

So i did, with tons of butterflies in my stomac and so excited over it all...

I had the most amasing week i´ve ever had, but silly oh me didnt showed him for 1 sec how i felt..

Even tho we had talked about it before etc... So the day come when it was time for me to go home, and he basicly said after that i had behaved like a "icequeen" against him.. Wich made me feel crap, cause deep inside i know my feelings towards him was everything except cold.

Time went by and i met another guy etc and we kind of didnt talk as much.

But i finished it, cause i couldnt really stop thinking about Jon..

Then i decided to contact him and we talked for awile and then i decided to open up in the winter again, cause i missed him like crazy... I didnt just want to be friends..

But of course he had a hard time believing me and he had even started dated another women, but it wasnt serious..

And after we had started to chit chat alot again, he decided to come here.

To have a weekend in stockholm and then i could show the real me, and how i really felt about him..

I had so many plans i my head, i had even bought flowers.. But as i was waiting at the airport for the plane to come in, i kind of freaked out and let my bad thoughts etc take over again.. And all i could think about was that he actually had a women back home, even if he said they were not even dating anymore or like in that way..

So before he even arrived i had threw the flowers away and the "icequeen" arrived again...

No hug, no nothing hardly when he finally arrived... But deep inside i wanted to just hug and kiss him and tell him how i felt.. But i just didnt, why you prolly ask? Yeah thats a really good question.. Im so freaking affraid to be hurt, so i hurt myself instead basicly..

Anyway after we checked in etc at the hotell and made our self ready to go out.. We went to a resturant to have dinner..

I was so nervous and i basicly just preyed that he would take the first move for a kiss or something.. But he didnt..

And at the resturant as we were waiting for the food, he said something that kind of have hunted me since then" Well Jen what you want and feel?", and again instead of saying what i really wanted i answer "i dont know".. And of course since i had hurt him abit in the past he took the safe way and said " I think its best we stay friends, or what you think?".. And stupid as i am, i just said "ok".. 

I mean seriously, what is wrong with me???? Thats so not what i wanted at all!!!!!!!!

But we did have a great weekend , even if i fucked it up AGAIN!!!!!

I went home thinking that he just said it cause he had the other girl, even tho he said he didnt..

But thats all that went around in my head, sadly....

All the time after that ive been asking myself, why ? why didnt i just say how it is?

How come i instead let myself sit and be so sad and feel like crap..

Even on my 6 weeks holiday in Turkey my mum said, whats wrong your always looking sad and never wanna do anything.. Well here is the answer, i felt like crap...

In june i did send him a 7 or 8 pages long letter explaining it all to him, hoping that he would understand etc..

But i didnt hear a thing about the letter, we talked abit now and then. But not a single word about my letter.

I thought it was cause he didnt even wanna think about, just stay friends and move on. But now i know he never got it, and i should have known that. Cause he wouldnt have just let it be and not talk about it, he told me that himself. And deep inside i know aswell..

But that was what i was thinking, so i basicly just worked and stayed home feeling crap and sad over that i lost my chance.. 

Then came november and i just couldnt let this be anymore, so after a few days of chit chatting. Talking about our lifes etc, he told me he seeing the girl again, but not like girlfriend and boyfriend. They just enjoy the other persons company.. So i decided one day when we chatted to just say it, exactly how i feel and so on.

And tryed to explain what happend i stockholm and why i didt show it there.

That im really madly in love with him and that i just cant let it go..

So thats where we are right now, i know hes so scared and cant go threw one more time that i hurt him the way i have twice.. And that he of course is kind of seeing that other women..But i couldnt go on not letting him know how i feel, i just hope im not to late and that the feelings is strong still.. Because we sure have something special.. I have never ever known another person who makes me feel so good, that im "perfect" the way i am and that he dont wanna change me and so on.. And i have never ever had that kind of connection either... Hes the one i want to tell if something happens in my life, good or bad. And i know he listens and dont judges me.. He a unique man, and a wonderful person..

And i know he still has feelings etc, but the question is.. 

Will he give me one last chance?

Or did i actually blew it..  ..

This is a short version of it all, and i dont really care if someone thinks im insane or whatever..

And im sorry if my english isnt perfect, but i think its good enuff to understand atleast..

I know ive tryed to date others etc, but im not intrested.. My feelings for this person is way to strong..

Now i just cross my fingers and hope im not to late...

Hugs And Kisses

 

Sara

9 december 2012 03:45

OMG i just feel for you and i do hope it ends well. I know exactly how it is to kind of "freeze" when you shouldnt.. It sounds like you two have a very special thing and i will prey for you girl. That this man finds it in his heart to give it another chance. Cause it sounds like that what you two have, is somethig we all search for. Good Luck!!!

( Wrote in english since the "post" was in english)
//Sara

Jenny

9 december 2012 03:58

Thanks i hope that to.
// Jenny

 

Isabell

9 december 2012 03:47

Crossing my fingers, sounds like true love!

Jenny

9 december 2012 03:58

Me tooo!
Jenny

 

Helena

9 december 2012 03:56

Sine everyone else write english i will aswell, ive been reading your blogg awile and i dont really know who you are. I just must say that its brave of you to make this "post" and i so hope it ends well. As the others also wrote, sounds so special between you 2. And even if you did 2 misstakes, and he did get hurt. I think he should give it another try and sounds like after that it will be a happy ending..

Helena

Jenny

9 december 2012 04:00

Oh cool you follow my blog and thx..
I really hope to that it ends well and yeah we have something special..

 

Sofia

9 december 2012 11:42

It sure sounds like a very special connection, i hope it ends in a good way. And we all can make misstakes or be abit scared, so ill cross my fingers for you. SO brave to write it out in the open..

 

Jessica

9 december 2012 11:46

One of my friends said i had to read this "post" and i did, and i almost started crying. Its like readig a intro for a love story or something.. I sure hope it ends well and that you 2 meet again. True love survives anything ;)

 

Elin

9 december 2012 11:52

Im crossing my fingers here aswell and i think it will end well.By the sound of it you 2 have such a rare thing, and yeah you did "fuck" it up. 3rd time is a charm they say, or something lie that..And he seems like a nice guy and prolly will give it another go. Keep us updated how it goes!!!!

 

Jenny

9 december 2012 12:42

Thanks for all the nice words etc and i will keep you all updated..

http://honmedegenasikt.bloggplatsen.se

 

Annelie

9 december 2012 13:05

Im saying this, if this Jon guy sees this.. Give her another chance man, both of you seem so crazy madly in love.. Just had a few bomps in the road.. Go go be happy!!!!!! Its such a rare thing this!!

 

Stuck on Love

9 december 2012 17:23

Im woting for you 2 :)

 

Johan

9 december 2012 17:25

You sound like a girl who for sure deserves a 3rd chance, i would have given it you. If it was you and me who had what you 2 seem to have..

 

Martina

9 december 2012 22:15

Jon! If you see her again (wich i hope you will) JUST KISS HER!! ;) shes shy and scared! Shes a great girl!!!

Jenny

10 december 2012 03:13

Aww tack gumman

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